Jeremy's 2023 Best Picture Rankings

I tried to watch all 54 movies that were nominated for any Oscar noms this year, but I only managed to watch 41. It was a valiant effort but alas, I have failed. But I did see all ten of the Best Pic noms, so let me rank those out real quick for fun before the actual Oscars is on and hopefully everyone that I want to win will win. Also, I typed this up pretty quick last minute so please excuse all typos.

Category 1: The Annual "Why was this movie nominated for Best Picture" Category

10) Elvis

First, I'd like to give my props to Austin Butler, he was good in this movie. Next I would like to lament the fact that, like Great Gatsby, we have allowed Baz Luhrman to direct what will certainly be the only Elvis biopic for at least ten years, and it feels like all of the research he did was by watching a Behind the Music special about Elvis. Why do we let Baz Luhrman do these things. Also, Tom Hanks, what the fuck are you doing bro? You seem like a good guy, but there are literal audio recordings of the guy you are playing, he didn't sound like foreign Disney villain. This movie sucks, fun music though, and once again shoutout to Austin Butler, you did your best, buddy.

Category 2: The Also-Rans: Pt. 1

9) Tár

I liked all of the rest of these movies, so this category is merely going to be the ones that I liked a little bit less than the top five. I saw this movie close to five months ago, so it's not so fresh in my mind. But I did like it, Cate Blanchett is very good, and despite not having any knowledge of classical music theory, I was able to follow along during the lengthy passages of discussion on them. Tension is ultimately the defining characteristic of this movie.

Category 2 Again: The Also Rans: Pt. 2

8) Top Gun: Maverick

I split this section up because I wanted to note that when it comes to ranking these movies, there is a HUGE gap after Elvis, but then a medium gap after Tár, which I liked, but didn't love. These other eight movies, I did love, some more than others, but love none the less. Top Gun: Maverick is almost everything that I love about a Tom Cruise action movie. Sure they never actually say who the bad guys in this movie are. But the plane flying is crazy! Crazy ass planes. Literally it is the only thing that makes this movie good. The rest isn't good. The romance with Jennifer Connelly, the back story about Miles Teller. Terrible. But damn the planes and the feats and the chases and the flying. So good. Brings this movie right up. Action so good, it earned this movie a Best Pic nom. Good on you, Tom Cruise.

7) Avatar: The Way of Water

I hated the first Avatar, the logic was dumb, the special effects didn't make up for that. But I did, and always will, like Sam Worthington and Zoe Saldana and Sigourney Weaver, and this has all that plus their family, and these like whales, and a bunch of cool underwater stuff. I think the stupidity of the plot is a lot more acceptable when the main characters are kids because kids are stupid, and they will do stupid things. Anyway, I liked it a lot, I'm willing to watch the third one.

6) The Fablemans

I went into this film thinking it was going to be a schmaltzy tale of Steven Spielberg's childhood, but instead it is a fairly bare exposure of his family falling apart during the years he was learning to become a filmmaker. Michelle Williams is of course great, as she always is, Seth Rogen gives a good turn, and Paul Dano does really nothing for me in this movie (but he was awesome in The Batman, see that movie, it's really good!), but the real starts of this movie are the child actors. I don't think it deserves to win any Oscars though. Not even for Michelle Williams, sorry!

Category 3: Top five but not good enough for the Big Show

5) Women Talking

I just watched this movie maybe an hour and a half ago and it was really quite good. All of the acting was superb, I appreciated the viewpoint of these women who have never been allowed to speak for themselves, barely think for themselves, being allowed to pontificate for once and having poignant things on their minds, and during a time where they need to make the most important decision of their lives. The color palette was super washed out, which was definitely a choice, but overall, a very good movie.

4) All Quiet on the Western Front

Our annual war film in this category, talking about color palettes, this All Quiet is a essentially all dark green and mud brown. So much mud. I know it gets weary to constantly have a war film in the Best Picture category, but this movie really gives us yet another view into how unglamorous it was, beyond the constant threat of death, there's the boredom, the hunger, the disillusionment, the dirt, everything being dirty, the cold. So many times during this movie, the soldiers are standing with their hands down their pants to keep them warm. It really impresses on you how much war is a meat grinder, especially by showing the original soldier who the protagonist gets his uniform from, after it was washed and sewn up.

Category 4: Good Enough for the Big Show

3) Triangle of Sadness

This movie was freaking hilarious, from the opening scene with all the male models, to the vomit boat scenes, to literally everything that happens on the island. I love that this is one of the two foreign films getting love this year because it is ballsy, it is nasty, it is so funny, and it skewers the most stupid vapid section of our society. It was like the more fleshed out version of The Menu, another film I liked this year. I don't think it has a chance in hell of winning Best Picture, but if for some reason it did, I would be able to find value in its selection for sure.

2) Banshees of Inisherin

For as much as I hated Martin McDonagh's view of rural America (Three Billboards), I simply love when he makes a film about his home country of Ireland. In Bruges was hilarious, and Banshees is simply great. Colin Ferrell is always good, and if there is anything fair in this world, he should be winning Best Actor. Kerry Condon is amazing as his sister, Brendan Gleeson is a big grouchy bag of potatoes in this movie, and Barry Keoghan stole the show. All deserve their nominations, probably none of them will actually win theirs (Maybe Condon?). And let's pour one out for that little angel of a donkey.

Category 5: The Only Acceptable Winner

1) Everything, Everywhere, All at Once

This is the best movie that has come out this year, it is my favorite movie that has come out at all since Spider-Verse. Michelle Yeoh should win Best Actress, Ke Huy Quan is probably going to win Supporting Actor, and Stephanie Hsu should win Supporting Actress over fellow nominee Jamie Lee Curtis. This movie makes me feel, it makes me laugh, it makes so happy and so sad, and throughout the whole thing we got people eating Chapstick, sticking butt plug shaped trophies up the butt, turning into rocks, exploding a police officer into confetti, fanny pack kung fu, hot dog finger love (don't laugh, that storyline is beautiful). I love this movie. It deserves all the awards and got damn it, it better get them. Best Picture or BUST!!